Once Upon a Time You Trusted Yourself
‘Today, try to find a photograph of yourself when you were about ten. Make sure you’re smiling. Put it in a pretty frame and place it on your dressing table, desk, or in your illustrated journal and look at it every day. Send love to that young girl. Try to travel back in time and imagination. See yourself at ten: at home, at school, and at play. Where did you live? Can you see your house or apartment, and the street? Walk through the rooms in your childhood home. What did your bedroom look like? Who were your friends? Did you have a best pal? Who was she? How did you play? What was your favorite color in the Crayola pack? Did you play a musical instrument? Who was your favorite doll? Can you recall the scent of Play-Doh? What were your favorite foods? What subject did you like best in fifth grade? Can you remember? Try to recall yourself at ten in your daily dialogue pages.
Have fun with this exercise because age ten was probably the last time you trusted your instincts. You didn’t listen to the opinions of your mother, your sister, or your friends because you had your own.
To watch my ten year old daughter in the dressing room at a department store is a revelation. “No, that’s not me,” she’ll frequently say as I show her outfits to try on. With an assurance that I envy, she reaches for a tapestry vest and a black felt slouch hat. “There,” she announces with satisfaction, “this looks like me.” I remind myself that once upon a time, I trusted my instincts. You did, too. Once upon a time there weren’t second and third guesses. It can be that way again.
Try to contact that girl you once were. She’s all grown up now. She’s your authentic self and she’s waiting to remind you how beautiful, accomplished and extraordinary you really are.’ -Sarah Ban Breathbach, Simple Abundance A Day Book of Comfort and Joy
You know, it is interesting to me. Some people find me very confident. Arrogant sometimes. A little stuck up, maybe?
But the people who really know me, know, I trust myself 0% of the time. That is right- zero. There are very few choices I have made in the last decade that I did not second guess, or even third guess.
The only thing I can say with confidence, as my four year old twins beat each other up in the living room while I prepare this post, is that motherhood is one of the most exhausting jobs I have ever taken on. Ever! That is said with 100% assurance.
But once upon a time I know I did trust myself… more than I do today.
Here I was at ten…. in the fifth grade.
This was a life changing year for me. We had lived in the town that I currently live in now. We lived in this town from the time I was in first grade until the fifth grade.
Then, in the middle of the night in May 1989, the river behind our home flooded, and I don’t mean water up to your front porch. Water inside your home. Water that filled your home and every family in the area eventually was forced to their roofs.
We lost everything.
Pictures, toys, every stitch of clothing , our car, obviously, our home. The things money can’t replace.
The fire department and police officials spent their time fighting over whose territory the neighborhood fell into, instead of working hard to rescue people. Finally, neighbors started rescuing each other. One family at a time, using small motorless boats they owned.
I remember being scared, but I remember knowing our parents would keep us safe.
I can only imagine the fear that lived inside my parents, as we fought back muddy snake infested water. My dad searching for another plan. Five children in the mix, my sister was just a baby. Talk about second guessing.
But every last family survived and eventually made it out safe.
Amazing I know.
But previous to this, here were my favorite things at the age of 10.
Best Pals: Elaina Burns and Troy Knight (both of them I still know to this very day!)
What did we play? Elaina and I always forced my little brothers to play school. Troy and I would use his Nanny’s shed and pretend we had a check cashing business- T and C Check Cashing… or something like that.
Favorite color: Sea green, simply because I was a follower and a girl at school named Lalana (isn’t that a beautiful name?) loved the color sea green….
No musical instruments. Always wanted to learn to play the piano and still do! We had a music teacher at school named Ms. Thompson, I always wanted to be like her. She always wore the prettiest peek-a-boo toe fancy shoes.
Favorite doll: I loved Barbie and Cabbage Patch babies. I wanted to be a mommy very early on. My favorite Cabbage Patch was named Camille.
Scent of Play-Doh: It smells so good! But do not let the smell fool you into licking it… because it tastes awful!
Favorite foods: my mom cooked tacos and tostados a lot… that was always a delicious dinner night.
What subject did I like best? Science for sure! Dinosaurs, the planets and solar system, and sharks intrigued me!
What about you? Share being ten in my comments! Answer just a few or answer them all!
My oldest son is ten. Gosh, I hope he trusts himself forever!
‘Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.’ -Johann Wolfgabg von Goethe
It says, "comment as" and allows you to just choose name and URL or anything… seems pretty easy to me. 🙂 Have you had people complain?
Actually yes.
People have told me they have to have an account and that is why they do not leave comments. I inform them there is an anonymous option, but I think they see all the steps and assume maybe? I hear it alot.
'I never leave comments because I have to create an account.'
'I never leave comments because there are too many steps.'
I assume they are a bit intimidated possibly?